Exams and exam stress

10 May

Exams

I sat my Sanskrit GCSE last week.

After shouting at my son over some minor breakfast/shoes/school run excitation, I apologised and told him I had an exam. ‘That must be very stressful’, he said, full of compassion and understanding.

It is. And I know this as a meditator and meditation teacher. And yet, in that moment, the excess of demand flipped my insides into a stress reaction mode. We all this, whenever we experience an internal response that is either: fight, flight, freeze, flop. When we shut down, hide ourselves in work/Netflix/ice-cream/booze, or shout at our loved ones, or storm out of room.

It doesn’t matter that this overload was one that I had chosen. My exam was not going to directly affect my income, my self-esteem or my future career options, unlike the pressure we put on teenagers taking their GCSEs. A levels or IB exams this month and next. For them, these exams are reductive, summing up their education into a shorthand list of grades. For me, the 2-year course had been additive, something extra for me to intrigue and stretch my mind, like a weekly crossword puzzle, or a challenging exercise class.

And yet I was taken by surprise at how all-consuming was the stress experience. My body was taken over, for a while, with all the internal responses that, if allowed to continue, lead to cancer, burn out, heart attacks, ulcers. The narrow tunnel vision, and the way that Henry’s speed of putting on his shoes (or not) became a matter of extreme importance and urgency. Our bodies deal with the stress as if it is life or death. The cells and neurons don’t know the difference. And this is why I snapped.

As I drove away, I had a bit of space to notice how my belly was filling with rage, sloshing around like a festering internal storm. My senses were on high alert, my reactions spidey-quick, and I could feel the urge to drive too fast.

Then I laughed. It’s my body, not ME that is experiencing this. Wow, it’s a big feeling, and as I drove I could calm down. Get some perspective.

I deal in un-stressing, and spend time supporting kids and adults to understand how their bodies deal with an overload of demand. I have the privilege of supporting people find the calm that is available to them, already inside.

It had been decades since I last sat in a school hall, but the hushed tones, pacing invigilators and gentle scratch of pens was exactly as I remember. A surname like Baker means I am one of the first to be called, and as everyone else filed in, I closed my eyes and meditated. This process settles the mind, in order that the body can settle too. Imagine being at the crest of a wave, edgy and exciting, but on the verge of falling off. Then, allow that wave to settle and widen. We are more stable, less volatile, and with a broader perspective.

When we worry, we lose up to 10% of our brain’s capacity. Stress narrows our view point and our thinking, especially our creativity and problem solving. In terms of exams, it is really important to show the peak of our brain capacity, and be open and relaxed as possible so our brains can retrieve what we need to meet the demands in front of us.
I don’t often go out of my way to stress myself much anymore. Not like this. It was unfamiliar territory, and my laugh was one of relief. I used to spend a significant amount of my life in a similar state of excitation and reactiveness: at work, at parties, when backpacking around South America on my own ‘for fun’. I felt alive, but now the difference is I know how to bring myself back to earth, to a steady state of calm and rest, where the internal biochemistry or mind, and body can normalise and settle.

For anyone facing exams, or supporting those who are being examined here is my tuppence ha’penny of advice:

1. Breathe. Yup, simple but true. Exhaling is one of the biggest detoxifying processes in the body. Big deep breaths, change up the air inside. Sighs and yawns are good.

2. Stress in, stress out. Yes, work and prepare, but also find time to wind down. When one exam is done, don’t just get straight onto the next one. Let yourself process and unwind.

3. Know thyself. After the exam I was elated, but also wired. I ate too much pizza, deleted 3,000 emails and couldn’t sleep. This is its own kind of unravelling, so notice how the up and the down work in your body. NB. Parents, your kids may not process the pressure in the ways you did.

4. Prepare your mind, and your mood Revise your stuff, but also look after yourself. Spend time doing things you love. Its as much about being prepared calm and happy in the room as it is about knowing things.

5. Come to your senses. In the exam, or anytime you notice the stress response tide is rising (see tip 3) it helps to feel, smell, breathe, look, taste. Notice what is real, the texture of the table, the weight of the pen in your hand, the squeak in your neighbour’s chair.

6. Let it be. Nice song to hum, (and written by Beatles after they learnt to meditate) but it also means let it go. Notice what’s happening, and choose to be ok with it. This too shall pass… Most of all, don’t stress about the stress!