5 reasons I used to cry at Christmas

I have spent my fair share of Christmases in tears. Some years I would wake up and blub, other times I could sneak it in at the end of the heart-twanging Christmas movie. One year I was so proud I had made it through breakfast, church and lunch - until the kids began singing Christmas carols after the Queen’s Speech. It turns out, that a ‘Silent Night’ by an East London Chidren’s choir is my kryptonite.

Maybe tears aren’t/weren’t your style - perhaps on holiday you get sick? Or find yourself picking an argument with a loved one (even if it IS entirely THEIR fault)? Or do you experience worse digestion/anxiety/insomnia? Or you hide it all and indulge in self-medication? I am not here to judge! These are all common experiences and very, very human.

Holidays hit us hard. But why?

This isn’t meant to be a self-confessional, but some things I have learnt:

1) Stop - and fall over. We actually allow ourselves to rest (after weeks of build up crescendo). Work stops, we go away, someone else is cooking, the demands that keep us busy have stopped. So instead of stress going in, our bodies cleverly use it as a time to offload. Ever been sick on holiday? This is the same thing. We are not meant to be ‘on’ all the time, and the body needs a reset.

2) Compare and come up short We assume everyone else is really happy/successful/rich/better and automatically compare ourselves. We all know the intimate, messy details of our lives, but fail to make space to hear how others are really getting on. If we are stressed and exhausted (and a bit tipsy)

3) Mangoes and Walnuts. Bear with me, this is an analogy not diet tips. Don’t let the movies persuade you that everything gets sorted on Christmas. Healing happens in the quiet. Christmas may be cathartic, but it has helped me to really be honest and make peace with certain triggering evens before they happen.. We know that x person is going to do/say/expect/give y or z. I bet you could make a list of the most annoying/upsetting ones right now. Then remind yourself: Mangoes come from mango trees - you can’t expect a walnut tree to give you a mango. You can’t be upset by the things/comments/gifts/mistake that you know are going to happen, If you are looking for something else - like Mangoes - that may well be available - but from somewhere or someone else. Be discerning in what you expect from people you know well. .

4) There’s nothing like family Ever heard the saying, “If you are feeling enlightened, spend a week with your family”? The people we have known the best may be our biggest triggers. We also may have more expectation of what the ideal mum/dad/brother/daughter/cousin/grandma should do. We turn up with our unmet needs, and get peeved when they are, still, unmet. As a meditator, you can be the one to change things up. Stay quiet, when someone picks that same old fight. Listen when the same story is told - people are telling you their needs.

5) Let it go - Crying is actually good for you. If the body needs to, let it. An overloaded system needs to finding a way to get stress out. We choose to de-excite when we meditate. We are not removing stress when we de-excite the body. So be careful when you choose your ‘clear the head’ avoidance strategies. Is the running/second glass/heart-to-heart/another slice/ that ‘fun game of Monopoly’. going to put MORE or less demand on your system?

(NB: If the Frozen song helps, sing your heart out, but I am not responsible for the reactions of those around you)

I am a less ugly weeper these days. Before I would try to hold back and every corner of my face would go blotchy. Now, if the tears are coming, then they flow, and laughter soon follows. Meditation has helped this. Regular meditation gives your body a routine slot to remove and release any overload of demand. The better you are at keeping this practice - in holidays and during ‘normal’ life - the better you can witness and be aware of your emotions. And with less stress, you get the early warning signals and can take appropriate steps.

Be available, not needy. As meditators, we are fulfilled. We are available to enjoy whatever the holiday season holds.

So DON’T FORGET TO MEDITATE! 20 mins of silence can be life changing.

And if you don’t believe YOU can meditate, please let me change your mind. If you can think, you CAN meditate. Come to an intro talk (See availability here)

Not ready for meditation yet? Want to get to know me a bit better before an intro talk? Join my Calm Christmas for my tried and tested ways to keep the holidays joyful. Sunday session (for booking and info click here).